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Fat shaming? Slut shaming? How about vulnerability shaming?

Today I feel so grateful for all the resources available at my fingertips. A few nights ago I read a post from Jayson Gaddis. In this post he lists some of the videos and books that have made the biggest impact on his life.

One of them was this TEDx talk by Brené Brown on the power of vulnerability, which is very, very beautiful:

Today I got inspired and watched this video for the third time or so. I also loved it when it came. And this time I looked for more of Browns work and found the video below. If you are in a hurry, watch at 15:00 for about three minutes or so in the video below to get the point I will use.

I was struck by the Brenés milder face expression in the second video, some months after she had exposed herself in a very, very vulnerable way to millions of viewers. I think not only vulnerability in a person is beautiful, a vulnerable person is more beautiful.

The other thing you need to know about shame

is that it is absolutely organised by gender.

Brené Brown

If shame is bound to gender, this is something we all need to be aware of in our communication with each other regardless of gender. Browns line above is profound for an understanding of the ongoing communication between some people which call themselves feminists and some other people claiming a belonging to some MRA:s (Mens Rights Activist) groups.

Men´s general socialisation in western society (a very broad generalization, I know, but this is my blog) has taught us not to reveal our true selves to anybody and it is so hard to unlearn this rule which mas kept us alive for so long. It is very hard to learn at 30-40-50-60 years of age that vulnerability actually is courage and that we have been (in our best interest) mislead our whole life.

Many of us men is still shaming our own inner boy, for not being brave enough, strong enough, or anything else enough… We miss that his vulnerability and his courage is the very same thing. We are all shaming boys and men for being vulnerable, for being courageous. We are shaming men for being at their most greatest and this has to change today. We need a new form of leadership in our communities, schools and corporations where connection and courage is celebrated and instead of shamed. I want to be able to read signs that say:

Vulnerability shaming is not allowed on this schools ground.

The Principal

Vulnerability shaming is no longer accepted in this football team

Coach

Code of Conduct: Vulnerability shaming is no longer accepted behaviour in this corporation.

The board of Directors

You see, every day gone by not opening up to others, not connecting, not exposing our wounds is a lost day of our life. Every such day we miss the chance of our lifetime. I am writing with tears running down my cheeks, determined not to pass this rule on to yet another generation. But we need the help of leaders to change the official documents, we need women to embrace the vulnerability of the men in their life. And we need a lot of willingness to understanding and large amounts of compassion. I am feeling great gratitude right now towards Jayson Gaddis and Brené Brown for reminding me of the beautiful vulnerability of my inner boy.

In depth

David Pilbäck

Founder of Mensmovement.com

2 responses on "Fat shaming? Slut shaming? How about vulnerability shaming?"

  1. I like what you have written here. I wrote a book about this and more regarding Men. It’s the Naturally Good Man . I attempted to explore why men do what they do. I could send you a chapter or so,let me know.

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